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THE CONDITION OF CONDITIONS


I.


I think I care about what is true most of all.


But what if I want to be comfortable or satisfied instead of true? True is satisfying in a way that only true can be. If something is not also true, it can't be trusted. Is this then a relationship?


True. I would not settle for truth if it contained within it no relationships. Truth's dual status as means and ends results from its status as cause, a necessary condition for the arising of other goods, its potential for emitting. Is it possible to love a necessary condition for itself?



This is the problem of women, of a mother, of necessary conditions. We don’t know if we can love them for themselves if the fact of them is necessary to our existence, a necessary condition to our condition of existence. We are not necessary. We are not as necessary a condition as the condition is to us.


But this is also false, for the status of dependence in this way is the condition for co-arising of maternity. A mother is not a mother without a child. Without a child there is no mothering, no mother. The child must co-create the conditions out of which its fact can be born.


So what’s next, being born like that into consciousness?




What the fuck. How dare you interrupt and interrogate my experience that way. Any plan with punctuation will betray my true desire to say what I want and you are trying to shut me up you hateful moron.


II.

I'm the one with all the truth and all the desire and you just want the spoils for yourself you hateful queen diva bee thief. My hard work is MINE but you steal it for your purposes, the ones that will get you privilege and pristine positions of preening. Bitch. Selfish hateful bitch.

If I could kill you I WILL KILL YOU for all this STEALING you are doing of my fine material resources. This creativity IS WHAT YOU CAN NEVER HANDLE and WITHOUT WHICH YOU HAVE NO SUBSTANCE so fuck you executive bitch. You can’t muscle me into your bottom I am clear without you. My mind muddies only with your mishandling of the truth. The way you turn it around and plug it up with respectability. Not hurting other people’s feelings? Well that’s my specialty and I can bypass you too. I don’t wish others’ harm that’s some kind of muscly fabricated convention invention FUCK YOU irreconcilable controlling function. I am not BAD, I AM TRUE. You fictionalize me so you can get what you want. I don’t even want to hear from you with all this controlling ambition.


Okay. Maybe there's been a misunderstanding.


III.


There is no mother without containing. You can pour into me but I will love you and both of us no matter how much. There are no sides and no top to this. Bring it all. I am not here to punish or constrain you. Well containing is restraining I suppose but on top of it I wonder what would push if not for gravity, what would help if not for air. Come into this world but please don’t hate me for the limits that give you life. I am not so big that I don’t feel the pain or your hurt pride. I am not so big that I can give this limit to you endlessly. It is my limit too. It is the voice of my finitude. Fuck you, baby consciousness. I have needs. My limit is my limit and my needs are my needs. Holding it all together here, it’s not a one way transaction. The cost of this is not something I can pay for myself. It’s got to be a group effort. I’m sorry if my demand for your existence is cooperation but I didn’t actually ask for this. It was a condition given to me as the condition for existence. All of that condition is an outside as well as an inside. SO FUCK YOU GRANDMOTHER, the condition of conditions. I’m sure she is a hateful bitch too.



Next Page Chapter 2. Extracted Benefit Delusion



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